30
Aug

when-you-feel-like-youve-been-in-a-car-accident-but-you-havent-been-making-convention-table-layouts-guitar-practice
 When you feel like you’ve been in a car accident but you haven’t been; making convention table layouts; guitar practice

I hate going to the podiatrist for exams. Let’s me just say that getting your surgical site examined and messed with is pretty rough. Somehow I feel like all of my joints are angry as if I were in a car accident. He didn’t mess with my shoulders and arms but they hurt? How the hell does that happen? I may have recoiled so badly I hurt myself during the exam.

I’ve finished the anti inflammatories he prescribed and they did pretty much nothing except maybe made it worse so I’m excited to try the second option to see what’s up. (EDIT: I may have had an allergic reaction to my anti-inflammatory medication they prescribed because severe joint pain is listed in it’s side effect. Urg.) I am optimistic. Normally doctors won’t try because it seems too complicated. This guy is trying. Anything that helps me is welcome.

I have a severe bruise on the bottom of my foot from the exam which also makes no sense because the doctor wasn’t that rough. Oh well! I get to limp at work today. I’m so glad it’s summer. Heat makes me feel better.

This week is a busy one. I get to finish off the layout for Intervention 7 and oversee that my staffers get assigned into their sleeping rooms, and that everything else is on track. Normally the event layout is done months earlier but the venue was being significantly remodeled so any layout we could have done earlier would have been wrong.

I’m used to planning events with an ever-changing venue underneath me. Venues being redone is actually pretty common. Because of this the venue had no to-scale map so we had to ask our architect friend Eric to literally make that from scratch for us. You need an accurate map so that you can place tables and not oversell your room.

I may have a free day this weekend to do something fun which will make a total of 3 days this summer that I’ve had time to do that. One of those days, this happened:

alien

Don’t ask me why it looks like he’s molesting my boob.

Now the question is what to choose for this weekend. The answer is often “get some sleep”.

Being an adult is being sleepy all the time and worrying about money is all I’ve been able to figure out.

Anyway, register for Intervention 7. I’ll post my panel schedule quite soon, but you can see the schedule of events here.

EDIT2: After writing all of this I ended up crying in the fetal position from the pain and was told to get in bed.

So I pulled myself together and did it this way:

guitar

FACE DOWN ASS UP THAT’S HOW I RELAX.



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26
Aug

post-surgery-i-finally-feel-whole-again
 Post surgery – I finally feel whole again

As of this week, Oni is back. For real. Hi.

oni red hair glasses

You may have noticed that ever since I started losing my sight in Fall 2015 I pulled back from posting on here. Truly I need to thank my team for helping me during this time because it was one of the worst times mentally and physically for me. In addition to numerous health problems, worsening of extreme chronic pain, and deaths of my family members and friends it totally crushed me. Couple that with increased responsibilities and harassment because of the success I’ve had so far and it was an untenable situation.

It was worse than you think it was. It was harder than what I put online.

A huge shout out goes to my Ops team. Paul DiGennaro, Derek Price, Ginger Peterson, and Miranda Major (Check out her bookstore, Half Moon Collectibles in Nebraska, USA) . Also Kara Dennison Craig Cobalt, and the rest of the 145 members of my staff. And of course, the man who had to bear the brunt of every aspect of my mental and physical breakdown – my sweet husband James Harknell.

I still get weirded out that I can see, but I’m better at navigating it than even just last week. My face is starting to look like me again.

Imagine if you all of a suddenly didn’t recognize who you saw in the mirror after a surgery. That’s why most of the pictures you see of me for all of 2016 are old or me with sunglasses on. I had NO IDEA that my entire life I didn’t really know what I looked like. I did, of course but also I didn’t. Then – HD ME IN MY FACE.

I just couldn’t recognize myself. It felt like I had been killed or changed and it was upsetting.

And my chronic pain condition got worse. It’s always been bad but I guess age 30 is when things start no longer being something you can ignore. I am heartened that I have a doctor that will try some things to get me a diagnosis and some help.

Now that I feel like me the only thing in my way of making art is time. I’m 3 weeks out from Intervention 7, which I hope you’ll come say hi to me at, because I do need your support now more than ever. My days are packed.

I haven’t felt this good since 2 or 3 years ago when my eyes started to finally deteriorate. I’m able to talk to people again. My anxiety is lower. I can think straight. I used to get anxiety leaving my apartment because I had to drive while blind. I did that for almost 15 years. Blind AF. Drive anyway. How else would I get a paycheck, I ask you? There’s no public transportation to where the jobs are here.

It’s surprisingly easy to understand what’s going on around me now. I can read street signs so I don’t have to rely on the bizarre counting method I used to use to estimate distances. If I drop something I quickly pick it up and remain calm. I don’t freak out inside like if the world is ending.

It’s like I’ve been tuned up and let out of my box like the Terminator.

Thanks to my wonderful support team I can post more online. The Internet has changed in the last 3 years. You can no longer post anything without someone taking a sentence out of context and trying to debate you on stupid shit. Or worse yet – insult and attack.

I have a new policy now and it’s the only way for me to exist with this many people trying to get my attention. I am no longer going to be able to respond to all Facebook comments. I’m still on social media, but I’m not reading all of them anymore. I’m utilizing my support team to monitor and moderate the comments for me and they will tell me when I should go in and reply or not. I’d turn them off like I did here if I could but FB won’t allow it.

I do not owe anyone access to me or an explanation. If you would like to talk to me, meet me at one of my cons or work with me on a project. And frankly, unless your name was listed above in this post or I physically work with you on the regular, you probably do not know me personally enough to say jack shit to me about anything in my life.

I do not owe anyone a debate.

And that’s what the internet has become today, thanks to this election cycle. Everyone thinks they are brilliant and want to totally yell their opinion at you no matter how misinformed and stupid it is.

I need to prioritize my time to create, and not sit here like a clown replying to random people clarifying what I mean when they’ve twisted my words to mean the worst conclusion that they could possibly put together with paper clips and chewed gum like some Asshole MacGyver.

I am not teaching remedial Hooked on Phonics.

Every time I make a blog post I do not need to metaphorically stand up and allow whoever feels like it endless chances to throw tomatoes at me.

Bitch all you want on your own time. I’ll be using that same time you are wasting earning money and making my work even better so that it serves more people and helps more families.

Most people are great, but that small percentage of assholes has ruined it.

I refuse to censor myself to accommodate the lowest common denominator. I refuse to give anyone that level of power over what I say and do. People respect me because I don’t play bullshit, and I don’t intend to start now.

Internet comments are what people used to yell at their TV sets. If the TV responded to every single one of them there would be no cohesive anything on TV. It would be a disjointed mishmash of pandering bullshit.

I will do many things but pandering is not one of them. I don’t pander, don’t lie, and I sure as hell won’t take anyone’s shit. If that means that I have to let my team manage aspects that I used to then so be it. That is my act of “self-care”.

It feels good to be back and to feel like myself again. Brace yourself. It’s going to be a great year.



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06
Jul

review-kevita-sparkling-probiotic-drink-murdered-my-stomach-flu-that-some-jerk-ass-bagel-shop-gave-me
 REVIEW: Kevita Sparkling Probiotic Drink murdered my stomach flu that some jerk ass bagel shop gave me

I should make a landing page that details my blog policy so I don’t have to keep re-stating that I am not paid to review this and that I bought this with my own money. All of my reviews are honest and I will turn down money from organizations that I do not like because otherwise my reviews would be useless.

So I made the mistake of eating at Brunswick Bagels on Rte. 18 in East Brunswick, New Jersey. Central Jersey where I live seems to have an inordinate amount of unclean/sloppy restaurants, possibly because of the constant rotation of college students in the area and them not caring about repeat customers. I have no idea. Just a guess. North Jersey is great. South Jersey is fabulous. In general the food is really good here. BUT…Central where I live I have gotten a stupid amount of food poisoning and worse.

I got gastroenteritis from this bagel shop so bad that I ended up at the doctor’s office 4 days later where he was able to examine me and make this diagnosis. It was a dull roar of cramping intestinal fits and trips to the bathroom. I was scared that I had cancer or something because google always tells me that, but it was only food contamination that set in shortly after eating an egg and cheese bagel at the a fore mentioned bagel shop.

The worst part was that I had planned a rare weekend of respite out of town the following weekend for the 4th of July holiday but it just hung around. I got to take my sick intestines with me and feel miserable while trying to have fun. As the doctor explained it to me, the bacteria in my intestines had been screwed up such that each time I ate food my body couldn’t digest it. My doctor recommended yogurt but that didn’t work that much.

It got so bad that I went to a supermarket and decided to try the probiotics. I ran into Kevita Sparkling Probiotic Drink and just bought it because please god help me give me some relief so I can enjoy my weekend…

Mojita_OPENHEX_L_7-23-15

Dude! Within hours I was back to normal. I had been sick for about 7 days with the same symptoms and this thing neutralized it.

I don’t know much about how probiotics work and I always thought these drinks were silly but omg do they have a new fan now. I was able to go to the museum the next day without Oppressive Cramping Gas and worse ass fire.

So yeah I hope you don’t get the stomach flu from a bagel shop that has bad food handling practices, but if you do get yourself some of this. I have never been made better so quickly and Iw ish I knew about them before.

But kombucha still scares me. What even is that?



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17
May

8-days-until-freedom-eye-surgery-invisalign-and-art
 8 days until freedom: Eye Surgery, Invisalign, and Art

I have 8 days left until I can get rid of the temporary lenses in my glasses and get my final prescription after my eye surgeries that un-blinded me. I also get my Invisalign off on the same day, funny enough.

Right now I feel like Mel Gibson in Braveheart minus all of the bigoted trash he has rammed up the crack of his rich man kilt.

I am so tired of this shit. I loathe Invisalign for more than one reason, but I have to admit that so far they are pretty much the only option for an adult that works in a job where she has to be super visible so I do recommend them. When compared to my experience with metal braces as a kid – which actually didn’t even work – I’d take Invisalign any day. However the shit gets really old after about a year. Couple that with major eye surgeries and you will get to F this Shit O’ Clock really fast.

I really didn’t intend to re create having glasses and braces at the same time like a kid as an adult, but hey, I didn’t expect for what little sight I had to quickly take a nose-dive off of Oh Shit Beach into Hell No Landing within a year.

I have a few complications from the eye surgery, but one that I knew about before getting it was that my eyes would immediately lose their ability to focus. As I understand it, we focus our eyes by using muscles to move our eye’s flexible natural lens a bit. When we get to be 40-50 our lenses start to harden and then you need bifocals. Well I am not 40 – the surgery artificially induced that to happen to me instantly. And let me tell you – that was a whole bag of crazy to get used to.

Because I had a temporary prescription that I have to lift up and down from my eyes to be able to see close/far while my eyes have been healing. From day to day I have no idea what the hell is going on or what I am seeing in some cases. I am optimistic that when I get my new glasses and no longer have to constantly take my glasses off and on that I’ll adjust easier. It kind of feels like I am wearing an out of date pair of glasses right now. Actually my husband’s glasses correct me better than mine right now.

But enough with all of this shit. I’m able to make art again! Here are some previews / thumbnails of what’s coming up:

new-art-may-16-wip

They eventually look something like this, but hell if I know – I’m still learning how to use my eyes:

anasthesia



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19
Apr

before-and-after-eye-surgery-glasses
 Before and after eye surgery glasses

After getting my eye surgery which un blinded me I developed secondary cataracts which actually made my sight sort of worse than before. It is a common complication. I had the last laser procedure to clear it this past Tuesday (which was also my birthday) and now I’m seeing clearly – with some complications.

This Friday I will be getting my retina checked to make sure everything is OK Then I have to wait 5 weeks to get my final glasses prescription. I have a complication where my left eye sees white concentric rings from light sources in low light. (Parking garage, dim NJ apartment.) It’s when my iris is open the widest. My doctor says that this was the best they could do given the severe deformity I had in my left eye. They can fix that, but it’s a really invasive and risky procedure that no one wants to do on me because of how risky it already was. I am pretty sure I am not going to pursue that option.

If this is the best it gets, it’s still the equivalent of going from blind to Betamax to IMAX. The results are still mind blowingly amazing. I went from a -20+ something to -1. I don’t need eye correction whatsoever to do things in my apartment anymore, such as reading books, and writing this blog post. I only need it for distance – driving and such.

I hadn’t seen color properly for my entire life. I do now, which you can see in this post that shows my art before and after surgery.

I have another good visual example of before and after surgery differences. Check out the purple glasses (my pre-surgery glasses) vs. my post surgery glasses in black. The purple ones didn’t even allow me to see well so I needed help moving about. They also cost about $1000 and a specialist had to make them. The black ones are thin, allow me to see, and cost a normal price.

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Before:

oni_glasses

After:

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I’ve been doing a lot of staring at random things. I’ll be taking a week off in May to just walk around and stare and plants and wildlife. Did you know that orange is really bright? Or that male bluejays are actually blue? There’s pictures on the walls of restaurants…holy CRAP, guys!

I can’t easily describe it but I just start crying at random times because everything looks so beautiful.



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