2013, Oni's Life

PROTIP: If you see a girl at a con, it is not OK to touch us

I was out and about a few weekends ago wearing an outfit that I could have probably worn to work in my conservative day job. That shouldn’t matter but I’ll note it anyway. The difference is that I was wearing my awesome red fox Spirit Hood because A. I love it and B. I was at a con and hey fun, right?

What a world of difference.

For some reason, it seems that the second I put on anything that indicated I was there to have fun dudes felt it was ok to touch me.

I’m not talking about people I know hugging me or anything normal. I’m talking about groups of 5+ guys walking down the hall whom I’ve never met before that felt it was OK to reach out and grab me for a second and then keep going without ever even speaking to me.

It was almost like they were reaching out to get a drink of water at a fountain before continuing on their way. I mattered as much as an inanimate machine that spits out water.

My followers on Twitter urged me to sock one of the dudes in the jaw. As much as I have no problem with that, it’s not that simple. When someone basically does a drive-by on you it’s not generally feasible to:

1. Realize the person is a stranger and not a person you are friendly with.
2. Play judge, jury, and executioner that quickly.

Most people will be trying to figure out if the toucher is someone they know first and by the time they realize that it’s just some d*ckweasel he’s already gone.

It’s a cowardly act of putting women down. The implication and truth is that these these people believe that women’s bodies don’t exist for anything other than their amusement. If you complain too quickly, you are immediately disregarded as being “too uptight”.

It seems that we can’t win.

If I come to a con dressed in the Banana Republic or dark wash jeans and tops that I have to wear at my day job, I’m seen as if I don’t belong at the con. People regard me fearfully or warily. I’m often shunned. I get accused of not being a “real geek”, whatever that means.

Last I checked I was a person who liked stuff and not some stupid marketing jargon label.

I feel for the most part like I’m the thing to avoid because I look “Too Normal”. On the bright side, people don’t touch me as much on those days.

If I come to a con wearing so much as an awesome hat (for once) I immediately get touched at random by cowards.

So I can choose between being shunned and being a water fountain.

Sounds fun?

13 Comments on “PROTIP: If you see a girl at a con, it is not OK to touch us

  1. Yes. Loads of fun. Because everyone, especially dudes, enjoy getting touched by random strangers in a place fuuuuuuuuuuull of people that they don’t know.

    Which we all know is shit. But somehow, that righteous rule they have for their own bodies doesn’t seem to apply to the females present.

    I’d love to have a friend with me, and for every single person that comes and touches me without my consent (not the bumpy accidents that cons are prone to with so much nerd-packing), that friend then goes and touches them, all stranger style. Guess how well that’d go over.

  2. One obvious answer would be to stay away from large gatherings of asswaffles, but that precludes going to cons at all. what is happening to you is supremely unacceptable, and I weep for our society. Unfortunately, your righteous anger is not going to school 5000 drooling fanboys with less social eptitude than a honey badger with a hangover, so your choices are limited. Don’t go, or take a bodyguard, or dress like you “don’t belong.” From where I sit, going in full regalia and just putting up with sexual harassment in order to enjoy the con is not worth the degradation.

    1. You are right, those that need to know likely don’t read posts like this or dismiss it. It should be noted- I wasn’t even wearing a costume. Just jeans and a t shirt and the pictured hat. And the hilarious thing was that I was standing next to my husband when it happened. The answer is just it is what it is. My objective with this post is to let others know they are not alone. :)

      1. Well, I can’t see me standing there, realizing that some jerk just’ve grabbed my wife, and doing nothing. Oh man, that con should’ve been ruined – Grabbing nearest keyboard and smashing this whole group of perverts into sauce. THAT’s HOW SUCH A SITUATION SHOULD BE HANDLED RIGHT.

  3. maybe these men were not held and loved enough by there mothers when they were young, so the need to touch every woman they see to fill that basic emotional and physical need, or maybe there just perves ;)

    1. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are. They need to keep their grabby mitts to themselves.

  4. I’m here because I just read your comment at This View of Life.

    If I was at a con and one of my friends was randomly grabbing women, there would definitely be a problem.

    That shit’s not cool. At all.

    There is absolutely no excuse for that behavior. Friends don’t let friends get away with being assholes to random people and I wish more people adopted that attitude.

    1. Yeah – What you are saying is right along with what Patrick Stewart was saying re: Domestic violence. I have found that I can talk all I want but it’s not until a guy stands up about it as well that it gets taken seriously. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been told that X happened to me because of something I did/I was in the wrong/I suck. In this case I was just wearing a hat.

      1. The scary thing is, those statements that were used to minimize what happen to you sound like the kinds of things men say to try to minimize or excuse sexual assault. :(

        1. Exactly! I have had my fair share of altercations and, when I was in High School defended myself against a big football player who smashed my head on a table nearly breaking it…

          I was suspended for it. Seriously.

  5. Funny but as a bald guy I can relate to this. ESPECIALLY on bar holidays (St.patricks cinco de mayo etc) It never fails to happen but when my head is completely clean shaven and I go to a bar women I’ve never met seem to feel the need to come up and rub my head. No by your leave or mind if I rub your head nope they just walk by and want to see if a Genie will pop out of my mouth.

    1. Haha! You know, given that my husband is bald I can imagine it! That’s crazy! I personally would never do that to someone. I am beginning to think that it is true that some humans are less smart than others – or less understanding of how their actions affect others.

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