I never took a proper painting technique class in college. The damage that having literally no money does to your education is so great that I can’t even provide an accurate measure of it. I had some exposure to painting in High School, but it was using the cheapest shit paints that money could buy for the communal art class. Broken, frayed brushes, watery paint, or cheap egg tempera was really all I could get. I didn’t learn all that much.

When I received a scholarship to CMU’s pre-college art program reality again smacked me in the face. I had access to classes for gifted artists and shared classes with kids whose parents could afford the exorbitant tuition, but no money to buy the supplies. Limping through classes based on what I could scrape together or borrow really sucked ass. In many cases, my grade suffered. I ultimately was unable to complete both years of the the courses because I just did not have the supplies. What little I had I was terrified to use because I knew that was the last one I would ever see for awhile. College was a nightmare for the same reasons.

I can render a photo realistic image with a plain #2 pencil, but my knowledge of art starts to meet the end of the road when it comes to using tools that cost money. I always had access to a pencil and paper, so that is what I used. All the time.

I visited Red Bank, NJ today. I haven’t been back here since 1999. While I was walking through Funk and Standard, the local hipster clothing and trinket store I had a vivid flashback of the last time I was there. The walls started to close in and I watched in horror as the me of 1999 wandered through the store looking at things she couldn’t possibly afford. She had no idea that even just being there was a waste of time. This wasn’t a store – this was a museum of what “real people” could afford to buy with free admission.

Today I can buy anything I want in that store. Perhaps the delusion the me of 1999 had pushed me toward success. I still have a long way to go, but today it felt like I was playing the Red Bank video game on God Mode.

This revelation was bittersweet. At the same time that I realized how far I had come, the scars from back in the day still hurt like hell. About 2 minutes later I passed some rich kids decked out in crazy expensive clothing while having what appeared to be a flippant discussion. I couldn’t help but remember how unfair things were. I know the key to everything is to not let things like this bother me, so I quickly, like I always do, put it out of my mind.

I started an acrylic painting with some of my old, cheap art supplies. Tomorrow I’m placing an order for some professional level brushes and supplies. Why was I holding on to the dollar store paint brushes? Oh, I remember. I’m constantly afraid that this is the last paintbrush I will ever be able to get.

I’m incapable of referring to myself in a catchy label that evokes hipster internet viral cred. I have no stomach for it. I’m not going to lie to you and pretend that the success I have so far came overnight, without hard work, or from asshole fairies who shit on my art and made it magically appear in the news. I’ve worked hard for what I have and I do have the scars and the insomnia to prove it. 2012 should be even better than before and it’s 100% because I’m going to work even harder then before. I wish you guys all the best for the new year, and BTW here’s the painting I started with the cheapass art supplies I have. I might sew her eyes shut so that she can focus on the future:

Shocktoberfest in Sinking Spring, PA was one of the best haunts we have ever been to.

The haunt consists of:

- Prison of the Dead
- Biohazard Hayride
- The Unknown (New for 2011)

They also have Club Shock: Ghouls Gone Wild – a dance club in the tent that covers the queue for the Hayride. The Monster Midway is an area with games, refreshments, and some scare actors. You could say this is actually 5 attractions. I say it’s 3, with 2 cool areas. (I classify an attraction as something you wait in line for and go through.)

Let’s break it down:

Prison of the Dead:

Prison of the Dead was INSANE. This is the first house I have been through in awhile where I was LEGITIMATELY AFRAID. You approach the haunt via a school bus that was painted to be a prison bus and leave via the same bus. These guys scared me more than Eastern State Penitentiary because they just got weird with it. They seemed to have designed the entire complex to just screw with your head. The actors can touch you and grab you. At one point someone grabbed me and prevented me from getting through the maze to where Harknell was, which freaked me the heck out.

The scariest part was the end where you had to bend down and run through the sewers while people on bungee cords jumped at you and could grab you and pull you down. Afterward you exit into a really creepy yard that was downright frightening. This attraction is the best attraction in Shocktoberfest. I recommend you do this one last.

Biohazard Hayride:

Biohazard Hayride is hands down the best Hayride I have ever been on in my life. It made Bates Motel look like Chuck E. Cheese. The cart takes you through dark tunnels that close on either side. You get to watch a full scene play out. Actors will come over to you grab you, touch you, and activate high quality animatronics that really work. This is not a case of pre fab animtronics that are just there for the heck of it. These props WORK. At one point we almost got eaten by GIANT WORM POD THINGS OMG.

The Unknown:

The Unknown is their newest and unfortunately the weakest attraction. The attraction’s concept and construction were great – the idea was that a steampunk professor and assistant were subjecting you to tests. The only reason that this attraction was tough to enjoy was the 3D glasses they used for it. The 3D glasses were so bad it was like being forced to go blindfolded through a great attraction. They used the crappy 1980s 3D with the red and blue lenses and not the modern 3D with 2 clear lenses that all the other attractions and movies are using. The result was that YOU COULD NOT SEE ANYTHING through most of the attraction.

This wasn’t a case where you couldn’t see things that they didn’t want you to see – we legitimately could not see things that we were supposed to see. We ended up just taking the glasses off after we got through some of it. The 3D was such a huge fail. It really prevented us from enjoying this one. I hope that they redo the 3D. This is easily a groundbreaking attraction – if only we could just see what is happening inside it!

Club Shock: Ghouls Gone Wild and The Monster Midway:

The club was well done. I liked that it was additive to the Hayride’s queue, which is the longest queue. Clubs like these in haunted attractions are never destinations in themselves. The best usage of them are as queue distractions. I feel that they did this well.

The Monster Midway had a large selection of food, homemade cookies, hot drinks, and game. The scare actors were fun, too. Again, not a destination, but a great addition to a complex of strong attractions.

Conclusion:

I wholeheartedly recommend Shocktoberfest to you. I’m angry at myself that I didn’t try these guys out sooner, because they may very well be the best attraction in the Northeast. The only problem we had was with the implementation of the 3D inside The Unknown. I hope that they fix that for 2012.

Most of the cool stuff was actually on the attractions, which I didn’t have authorization to photograph. Here is what I could get for you:

I saw this guy on my way to work.

My friend Bree is a lot like me, as you can see.

Read Bree’s comic – Sex, Drugs, and June Cleaver.

New York City has some great window displays. This one came from a shop called 2 Chemists.

New York City now has people who buy cheap costumes and pose for pictures for tips. They had been doing this in Los Angeles for awhile, but I guess the trend has now caught on here:

Mario was smelling something bad. No. Really. A big dumptruck full of garbage had just passed by and he was staying in character.

The saddest Mickey costume I have seen in awhile. Check out the bad sneaks on his feet!

The tree in Rockefeller Center, NYC!

Those of you who know me, know that I think movie theaters are about as pleasant to go to as the gynecologist. Annoying people ruining the film, parents allowing their kids to kick you and throw things – it is all not my thing.

Alien 1 and 2 are some of my favorite films, so I might go to see Prometheus:

I can’t help it. I am an asshole. I am always cynical about new movies. I have gotten burned one too many times by deceptive previews that make a shitty film look good. (I’m looking at YOU, Wild Wild West.) I’m sick and fucking tired of things like the 5 Old-Timey Prejudices That Still Show Up in Every Movie.

I also can’t get past the fact that Hollywood seems to only be able to draw from older franchises and remakes. I don’t consider seeing new movies a fun thing to do. It’s more of waste of time, money, and a vote for more spewing bullshit that I usually can’t relate to. Even something that looks extremely cool – I find it hard not to just wait for Netflix.

My inner Daria – it shows. Or as Harknell would say, I am Cranky McCrankypants.

Let’s hope they don’t fuck this one up. Then again, how much more damage could they do after Alien 3 onward…?

I wish I could have been there to see this! HOLY CRAP. This haunted house from 2011’s Universal Studios Hollywood’s Halloween Horror Nights is BADASS. I especially like the scene with the person on the bed being eaten.

I wasn’t aware of the La Llorona legend.

I really like the art and culture of Mexico. One day I would like to visit, but I had heard that it can be dangerous if you don’t know where to go. Can anyone who has been to Mexico tell me if this is true?