George Lucas is changing Star Wars again and we shouldn’t give a shit

I used to be one of the biggest Star Wars fans around. I was in the Star Wars fan club when I was little, I had most of the action figures, and I read all of the books I could about it. I went to see Episode 1 on opening week. Most of us probably agree that this film was pretty terrible. I’m not going to explain that part. This guy can break it down and tell you exactly why:

The insane level of merchandising, the new characters that I didn’t care about, and the overexposure of Episode 1 coupled with what a bad film it was killed a lot of my fan devotion. Sure, I still like the original films, but I didn’t bother seeing Episode 2 or 3 in the theater and wasn’t surprised when people complained that Lucas was again “ruining their childhood”.

I sat through most of Episode 2 when one of my friends brought the DVD over to my place and insisted that I “had to see it once”. After nearly gouging my eyes out and shoving my head up my own ass out of boredom and horror at all of the random CGI shit flying around for no reason, I decided that no amount of geek pressure would get me to sit through Episode 3. Haven’t seen it. Won’t see it. Would rather watch Manos: The Hands of Fate again.

The latest outrage is that George Lucas is making changes to the films yet again.

Most people are pretty angry about his constant monkeying to the original films. The changes fall on different parts of the WTF scale. Some changes are good, like re-mastering. Some changes are annoying like changing small bits of dialogue and digitally adding crap (like a flying ass party or a gogo girl with 17 breasts) that didn’t need to be there. Other changes are infuriating because they redefine the personalities of the characters. Making Han shoot second instead of first is one of the more known examples of this.

The reason he does this is because he knows a lot of people will still buy his crap. If you don’t like what Lucas is doing, don’t go to see his films. Don’t buy his merchandise, and don’t pay any more attention to the obsessive-compulsive guy in the corner. Cherish the films you grew up loving and let the nutty rich guy do whatever he wants without encouragement.

I couldn’t believe when I heard one of the same people complaining that they didn’t like Episode 1 being re-released in 3D also say that they’d be there at midnight the night it comes out.

Really? I mean really? You’d vote yes to this bullshit with your money? You’d get in line to buy C-3PO toilet paper and Queen Amidala Tampons?

There are so many great franchises out there that are well-written and entertaining. The fact that a lot of people would rather complain and still go to see the same movie they have already paid to see and violently didn’t like speaks volumes. I understand what it’s like to love Star Wars, but if people keep voting with their money for regurgitated crap, we’ll just have more remakes and Franken-Star Wars. We’ll never have the next big thing because no one voted for it with their money – they voted for Amidala tampons instead.

Also LOLZ:

Oni Hartstein is a Los Angeles-based CMO and entrepreneur that is obsessed with progressive rock / metal, marketing, and nightlife. Please direct all business inquiries or review requests to the "Contact" tab on the top nav bar.

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