08
Mar

Scissor Sisters Concert Review

So I actually went to see the Scissor Sisters at the Electric Factory in Philadelphia.

I don’t normally go to concerts because I’ve seen my share of bad concerts – concerts that actually made me unable to listen to the band any more. One really awful concert I saw was the band Wolfsheim. I was really into them, but their concert was so uncomfortable and un-enjoyable that it just killed it for me and a lot of other people that saw the same show. I actually left before the show even finished because not only was it boring and the band didn’t seem to care if they were there or not, but the venue was overheated and people were getting nasty. Some fat loud lady actually hit my friend in the face for no reason. That was great. :/

It takes an awful lot to get me to buy tickets to a concert. The Scissor Sisters are one of the few bands that can get me to do this because they are THAT good. This concert was the opposite of every other concert I’ve ever seen. This was easily the best concert I have ever seen in my entire life. Scissor Sisters rocked. Even Harknell enjoyed himself, and he isn’t even a big fan of theirs. These guys know how to do it right. For one, they actually CARE.

But I do have a complaint!

For those of you not familiar, the lead singer loves taking his clothes off during the show and shaking his little gay ass. My only complaint is that we didn’t get to see Jake Shears’ ass. But as Harknell pointed out, that had more to do with American nudity laws than anything else. Damn American nudity laws. Apparently they can do a bit more at their UK shows. :/ I did get to see the gayest shit I have seen in a long time, so my $25 was well spent. I cannot begin to describe the gay and sparkles and more gay and then there were little man shorts and more gay.

ONI WAS IN HEAVEN.

You fucking European fuckers get the best shit with your fucking ass-viewing privileges. Shit.

The Venue and an Obese Oompa Loompa

The Electric Factory in Philadelphia is a really good venue. Even though the show was great and the venue was great, this is my last concert until I forget about idiots again.* The idiots standing around me reminded me why I fucking hate live shows. I don’t get much time to myself. I get even less time to go out. I hate the people who come out to live shows them and proceed to do anything they can to ruin my night and prevent me from seeing the show. It’s not like I get to do this very often.

I spent at least 30 minutes being squashed so badly that it really hurt because a short, morbidly obese woman and her two friends decided to PUSH THEIR FUCKING WAY UP TO THE FRONT AFTER THE SHOW STARTED and get right in front of me. Her hair was in my face and all I could smell was her cheap-ass dollar store shampoo.

She wasn’t just watching the show. Actually I’m not sure she was even paying attention to the show in any way, shape or form. She was bouncing and aggressively slamming into me on purpose while trying to talk to her friends. This caused me to slam into others. My arms were crossed so I could maintain some personal space, but she didn’t seem to mind my elbow being in her spine. In fact, her spine was slamming into my elbow. I think it must have been that liberal coating of flopping lard over her spine. She just tried to push me over more. At one point Harknell was holding me up because I fell on him – she was practically sitting on me. It was ridiculous. I actually gently shoved her to get her the fuck off of me and she just slammed back into me even farther. She didn’t even seem to notice I shoved her. I don’t know if she was drunk, high, or both. All I know is that I’m pretty strong and she was heavy, even for me.

It was at this point that I was actually going to seriously hurt her. Like, I was getting ready to drop a really hard elbow into the back of her head or I was going to grab her by the hair, take out the back of her knees and stomp the hell out of her. I could have easily destroyed her and her two friends before event staff got there.

Then I thought, “No Oni, you really don’t want to get kicked out of the venue after seeing only one song.” I can’t do shit like that anymore. I know me. I know that if I start, I can’t stop myself from being excessive. She wasn’t acting right, but that kind of response – as delicious as it sounds – isn’t right either. I was so mad and tired of being hit that if she responded with anything more than, “I’m sorry.” I would have entered the quiet place where I go when I flip out. This cannot happen.

Right when I was about to lob a loogie into her hair for her to notice later, she just up and left. The rest of the show was pretty cool. This is my luck. At every show I go to there is always one short fat girl. She always does this kind of shit to me and it gets on my nerves. It happened at Wolfsheim. It happened at Tori Amos. It happened at Iris.

All I do is stand in one place and I want to be left alone. I wonder if there is a short, fat, woman with a death wish factory? Where else could they be coming from? The Concert Oompa Loompa Ladies. Man. This chick has no idea how close she came to seeing god. What sane person thinks it is OK to push in front of someone and continue to push them and hit them? I would never do that to anyone! If they are behind you there is nothing stopping the person from sticking gum or something else in their hair. It’s just stupid to mess with anyone when your back is to them.

So yes. It was a great show, but also my last one because people are assholes and I don’t want to have to flip on someone to stop being slammed into.

*Unless I can get tickets to see The Police. Which I doubt I will be able to for a reasonable price.



Oni Hartstein is a Los Angeles-based entrepreneur that is obsessed with Rock Music, Metal Music, and Marketing. Please direct all business inquiries or review requests to the "Contact" tab on the top nav bar.

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2 Responses to “Scissor Sisters Concert Review”

  1. xc001 says:

    I had a similar incident happen to me at mets game my dad got invited to. I was stuck in quite possibly the worst part of that stadium: the bleachers. It was Mets V. Expos, the last game they’d ever play. At the bleachers it was me being stuck next to a fat guy. One of the Expo guys hit a ball towards the bleachers. With the sun glaring in his face, my dad was able to catch it. Fatty on the other hand, dove for the ball and landed on me. I’m not sure what felt worse: the hard-ass metal bleachers or this guy’s fat. Either way it was pretty painful. It felt like my whole head was crushed inward. From what I heard after the game, one of the announcers might have seen what happened to me. Not suprisingly, their wasn’t any first aid anywhere, so my dad had to go down to the fanfest area and get some ice from there. My face managed to recover quickly and the ball is still sitting in my room to this day.

  2. onezumi says:

    Damn! That’s harsh! What a jerk that guy was!

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